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5 thoughts on “FFS Owners Manual: Preface”

  1. Lucia,

    I’m am in awe of your bravery and willingness to be open and share your experince with the world. I know by doing so you are helping many people. I am very happy for you and so glad you are finally able to be your true self. I wish you the best in your life and hope your journey is joyful and makes you feel whole inside and out.

    If I may ask, I am just curious about how this has affected your marriage and your relationship with your family and close friends? I know physically changing must be a difficult adjustment at times, but how has this affected you and your loved ones emotionally?

    I hope it is not too personal of a question and of course I totally understand if you rather not share.

    I wish you continued success and happiness in your career and personal life.

    All the Best!

    1. Dear Ashley,

      Thank you for reading and for commenting. Of course it is a big shift for anyone in my life. The longer one has known a person before coming out, the more they have to undo years of pronouns and names.

      My wife and I have been together for 11 years as of this month. It’s been about and year since we talked and agreed that I must go further in my journey of transition. With her and I, it has always been somewhat of a question if I would ever feel the need to transition. Back in the first year of our relationship a good friend at the time “warned” her about my halloween costumes and other times I went out dressed up during undergrad.

      She has been wonderful and 10 years of a relationship can weather large life changes easier than a shorter relationship. It’s a big public adjustment, but just because I have been out since only May does not mean that it was a surprise to her in May. She is my favorite person in this world and I am thankful for her everyday. She is my best advocate and defender. It is easier for us in public now, but before ffs, she was always looking out for me.

      It took my mother a few months to get comfortable with the idea, but now she is very supportive. We are closer than ever and I speak to her at least a couple of hours a week.

      My two step sisters in CA have been friendly and supportive. I am not really close with other family people, but the people who have contacted me have been supportive.

      My work has been extremely supportive and and all of my colleagues. I have tried to make myself available to them to speak individually and open to any questions they may have. I cannot thank my bosses enough for their friendly response. I love my job here and would love to continue singing opera with Badisches Staatstheater Karlsruhe.

      I think for a parent of a trans person coming out later in life the question is always “what did I do?” or ” what did I miss?” With youtube and other forms of social sharing you can see so many successful trans people living healthy productive lives. Speaking with my mother it was important to express how different the world is now. It was simply a different time and the only examples of transwomen were exploitative talk shows and gags on sitcoms. Although I felt like a girl since about 5-6 years old, taking puberty blockers then hormones was not something I could find while researching on the internet. I was fortunate enough to have a computer with Internet in about 1988. Despite having Internet at such a young age, the information was not out there…. yet.

      I don’t like the idea of fate, but if I choose to believe things happen for a reason, transitioning after beginning my career has made me more visible as a trans woman. If I had transitioned before college or in college I would have done computer science and went to work for Intel or some similar company. Going through puberty was rough emotionally but it gave me my singing voice and through that my career. Singing about 50 shows a year exposes about 1000 people per show to a working trans woman. I hope that this alone makes people a little more thoughtful when dealing with trans people.

      I hope that through writing and simply doing my job I can be one more successful and visual trans person to show others that it is not a choice between transition and a “normal” life. Being a trans person does not mean jobless, homeless, friendless or all the other terrible things the media would lead you to believe.

      Hopefully this answers your question and a bit more.

      Thank you again for reading.

      Xoxo

      -Lucia

  2. Fascinating, courageous blog! Very curious to know to what extent, if any, your facial surgeries have affected the timbre of your voice. and your technique. (A friend of mine who had reconstructive facial surgery after an accident told me that his placement sensations were totally different afterwards.)

    1. Hi Tom,

      I am a little hesitant to say exactly what, but the sensations are different. I did my first show back based on muscle memory and actually every show that is not a new premiere. Everything feels different and I’m pretty sure sounds slightly different.

      Right now I am working on a song recital and the sensations are new. There are small parts of my face still slowly regaining feeling and all the nerves get going again. My lower jaw and tongue feel very different than before and are creating different overtones than I’m used to.

      The top of my voice coming out of the passaggio feels way more free than before. One of my singer friends thinks its the emotional weight being lifted off my chords, but shaving my orbital bone I’m sure has affected my sound. I continue to record my voice and see improvement, but there have been alot of things that could have an effect on my voice.

      There was an old piano tuner in my undergrad that would remove braces off french horns. It actually made them alot easier to play. It could be that the reduction of certain bone has freed up my sound, but probably not.

      I have sound samples on youtube of 3 audition arias I recorded after my hormonal levels stabilized to that of a natal female. Once my Lieberabend is done on November 23 I will find some time to record those same pieces to catalogue them after ffs recovery. 3 months of healing seems like a reasonable time to record as post ffs. If there is a significant difference, a multimedia blog may be worth doing explaining how the sound differs and possible physical reasons why.

      Xoxo

      -Lucia

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